Good & Bad News

I know that many are waiting for an update on my latest scans and doctor's appointment.

I met with the doctor today excited because I knew that I was done with chemo.  He however was in a bit of a solemn mood and did not share in the excitement I was feeling because of the news he had to deliver.  So my abdomen looks great...no signs of any tumors or new growths.  The bad news is that the cancer has decided to attack a new body part...my lungs.  There are an innumerable number of spots on my lungs with the largest being 7 mm.

 Not large at all but we don't know how fast it is going to grow.  So I am on a 6 week break and then I will have another chest scan to see if these spots are growing or if they are going to stay this same size.  My guess is they are growing because my last CEA score was 10.4 up from the last score and in looking at my February chest scan they were not there.

So my options are 1..to go back to heavy duty chemo which will not cure it...only prolong it and I won't have any good days, 2..go on a clinical trial (human guinea pig), or 3..do nothing and just have as many good days as I can.  Right now my thinking is #3 but I have 6 weeks to mull it over.

It was not the news I was wanting or expecting to hear today so I have been a little numb.  I still feel so much peace and comfort and know that my life is in the Lords' hands.  I know He hears my prayers and knows that I don't want to go yet but He must need me really bad on the other side because I have fought like crazy to stay here and keep this cancer at bay.

Mike has been my rock and continues to support me in my decisions.  He has been so strong although I'm sure he has his quiet moments of emotion and sadness.  I continue to rely on him so much for his faith and strength.

So in the meantime, I'm going to live it up and enjoy these good days ahead.  I'm heading to Seattle to see my family and go to the CABIN!!!!!  Yeah...I thought I was going to miss going this year.  We are going to CA to see Mike's family and hopefully another trip to Hawaii in the spring.

Love to you all for your thoughts and many prayers on my behalf.  Hopefully I have many good days ahead.

Chemo stinks!!

Today is the first day in a little over a week that I have felt pretty good.  Only one more treatment to go and I should be done with heavy duty chemo.  I know that mentally I can't take much more.  I am tired of poisoning my body and then working through the side effects to feel good again.  My doctor originally told me 6 treatments but then he cut that back to 4.  Next Tuesday will be the 4th treatment and I keep telling Mike that "I am done".  I have radiation coming up but I'm not sure what that will be like since I haven't had it before.  Hopefully it will be better than what I feel like now.  My score has been climbing (it is 7.4) which worries me a little bit but I meet with my oncologist on Aug 31 armed with scans, blood tests, and CEA scores and we'll see what he thinks.  I'll also send the info to my Spokane Dr. to get his opinion also.  I know that I was guided to this surgery and that I should likely have 3-5 yrs so I just need to have more faith that things are OK.

So onto happier things.  My sister-in-law Kristi Ann came for a baby blessing with her family and I was able to steal her away for breakfast on Saturday morning.  We went to Kneaders (yum) and it was so good to see her.  She brought me lots of gum to chew during my chemo week.  I brush like crazy and just can't get rid of the metal taste so that was thoughtful of her to bring me a little care package of gum.

This is the first summer I can remember where I'm not going to the family cabin.  It is my most favorite place on earth but it just won't work out this year.  I do have some fun things coming up in Sept and Oct so hopefully I will feel great and be able to enjoy life again.

Mike has been a saint through all of this.  I really don't know how I would get through any of this without him.  He has learned to be so much more patient and he is so quick to calm down my many fears and meltdowns.  We have also come to appreciate the blessings of eternity and that we are sealed together.  So many times we have felt heaven very close and are glad that we are on the right path and that we are together.  I love him lots and appreciate all that he has stepped up to do to help make this journey better.

I am off to bed and to take my nightly concoction of drugs.  Tomorrow is going to be a GREAT day.