Not done yet

I thought I would have a longer remission than 3 months. The past week and a half has been filled with so many emotions.

About 3 weeks ago I started to not feel very well. My stomach was tight and I just felt nausea all the time. I had a schueduled cat scan coming up and so I kept telling myself I just had to make it to the cat scan. The cat scan showed a growth on one of my ovaries and the doctor told me it was most likely colon cancer that hid during chemo in my ovary. I had to meet with a gyno oncologist about surgery and by this time I was so uncomfortable. I looked like I was 8 months pregnant, I couldn't breathe, my back hurt and if I stood too long then my leg went numb. I didn't really eat anything for 3 weeks and just always felt full. It was AWFUL. So June 3 I went into surgery and the doctor did a full hystorectomy, removed 5 liters of fluid from my abdomen and took biopsies of a couple spots on my liver and abdominal lining. I feel so much better than before surgery even though the incision is still tender.

It all comes down that everything checked out to be Stage 4 terminal colon cancer and so it is back and I most likely have less than 5 years to live. I've gone through all the emotions (mad, sad, why me?, etc). But now the emotion I feel most of all is peace. I know it is because of all the prayers and fasting done in my behalf. I'm ready to go if it is my time...I just hope to have closer to the 5 years than the 1-2 the doctors predict.

So I meet with the oncologist tomorrow to map out the options. Most likely I am headed back to chemo and all that yuckiness. Mike and I are also going on a diet that is mostly full of vegetables and fruits and hope that will also help give me more time and help me feel better.

I'll update more after I talk to the doctor tomorrow.

Update - FINALLY!!

I know that many have wondered where I have gone. I'm still here and I just have to say that it feels good to feel good. I still can't believe that just a couple months ago I was still having chemo treatments.

I have had a blood test and my cancer score is staying low. It was 2.4 at the end of February and should be in the 2-3 range. I am having a CAT scan done at the end of May as well as another blood test. I then have a colonoscopy in June. So hopefully everything will come back with good news and I can finally enjoy a summer.

Now my thoughts and prayers are with my dad who has prostate cancer. He is undergoing surgery next Friday and hopefully the outcome will be good.

I was able to get up to Washington and see the family. I went to the beach with my mom and sisters. It was nice to get away from work and just have some relaxing time. The weather wasn't that great but just the sound of the ocean is always soothing.

My nieces and nephews all seem to grow up way to fast. I didn't get a lot of pictures but here are some cute ones of my 2 youngest nieces.

with Amelia...love the binkies & matching jammies

with Grandma

playing together nicely

Aren't they too cute? I had fun spending time with all my nieces and nephews and look forward to seeing Jared's family in May. We are headed up to Washington again in May for a quick weekend.

Mike is enjoying working with the Deacons although he realizes that on Sunday during class it isn't that different from Primary. The boys still don't listen and get pretty rowdy. I have enjoyed working with the Laurels and getting to know them. We have a lot of youth in our ward (about 80) so there is lots to do.

Here are some crazy weather pictures I had to show from last week.
Wednesday morning - 8 inches of snow
Wednesday afternoon - all gone

I'm Done!!!! Woohoo!!!

I'm finally finished with chemo. I didn't think I would see the day. It has taken me a few days to update my blog because I have had some sort of food poisoning the past few days. Not fun!!!

My mom was here for the week to help me out and it was so nice to have her here. My poor sister Alison was also in need of her since she just got her tonsils out. Ouch...I can relate since mine came out 2 years ago. It hurts but is so worth it.

My friends Cori and Mary Ann showed up at chemo and we had a little graduation party. They brought cake, balloons, flowers, a candy bar poster, a diploma, a gift basket full of yummy smelling goodies, and the best part was the homemade cap. I cried when they walked in and it was so great to know that I am done with chemo and have such great friends who love me.

Thanks so much for the party. Here are some pictures from the eventful day.

Mike even snuck away from work to join the festivities.

Here is Mary Ann with the poster. How clever!!

Here is the yummy cake. Strawberry mousse filling with cream cheese frosting!!It was a great day although I felt bad because the lady next to me receiving chemo was getting her first treatment for colon cancer. Luckily I gave her a bunch of hints and things that worked for me to get through it. Cori and Mary Ann even got her address so that in 6 months they can send her a diploma too. I am so glad to be done although I'm sure it won't hit until next week when I would have gone in for the next treatment. I don't have to go back till the end of February and that will just be for a blood test. Yeah!!!! I still remember around treatment #5 thinking there was no way I could do all 12 treatments and here I am. I know that it is because of the encouragement I received from those around me. Thanks so much to you all.

One more to go!!

Only one more chemo treatment to go and then I will be done with all this yuckiness. I didn't think I would ever make it. The holidays for us have been pretty low key. We had a huge snow storm for Christmas and so we stayed home and hunkered down where it was nice and warm. In the afternoon a lot of the neighbors were out with their snowblowers digging out. We have gotten so much snow and it has been soooo cold. We heard on the news last night that it was -7 in Highland. Here is a picture of Mike digging out our front walkway yet again the day after Christmas.

New Year's was pretty uneventful for us since I had a treatment that week. It was my birthday on New Year's Eve and I was in bed at 8:30 p.m. I didn't even make it to celebrate the new year in NY time. Mike just reminded me that I was like a lot of people who were recovering from late night festivities...I just laid around and felt yucky on the 1st.

I'm feeling pretty good which means I will have a good week and then my last bad week starts next Tuesday. My mom was going to come for this last treatment but I talked her out of it since Mike was going to be home all week and off work. So she is going to come for the last treatment. Mike has been so patient and helpful. I don't know how I would get through this without him.

We officially got our new callings yesterday. Mike is a Deacon's advisor and I am the R.S. transition specialist for the YW (low-key calling...but fun). I will miss the primary kids but it was a perfect time to change since our kids were all moving on to a new class. Mike will be going on monthly campouts with the scouts. Glad I won't have to be going...especially in the winter. Their first campout is this weekend. What troopers!!

I did watch a full football game and cheered on the Utah Utes as they played in the Sugar Bowl. It was an exciting game and since Mike is a Ute, I figured I could put my BYU allegiance aside for this game. They were the underdogs and came out victorious. We noticed that the announcer's were pretty biased towards Alabama and were scurrying to find things to say when Utah came out with such a big lead at the start. Who would have thought that I would enjoy football so much?...my brothers would be proud.

Winter has officially arrived

I had a GREAT week last week. I felt good and bounced back from the fatigue a lot faster. Today I had my 10th treatment. Only 2 more to go. Woo hoo!!!! My great friend Cori went with me today and we played a game to pass the time. I am so blessed to have such great people around me who help, encourage and pray for me regularly. Every week someone from my ward will come up to me or send me something to tell me they are thinking of me. And some of these are people I haven't ever really even talked to. It is amazing all the support I have and I am very very thankful.

Last Friday I went to my knee doctor for a year check-up. My thigh muscles are all atrophied (really weak) and he gave me a few exercises to help strengthen my leg and make the muscles stronger. Stairs are where I feel the weakness the most but hopefully I will conquer this too. He was pretty shocked when I told him I was being treated for colon cancer. He is a great doctor and I'm just thankful that he agreed to take me as a patient when he wasn't the one who did the original knee surgery (I had the surgery in Seattle). I don't have to go see him again until there is some change in my knee or I am feeling a lot of pain (arthritis).

A funny thing happened the other night. I was sleeping on my stomach with my bad knee bent up. Mike rolled over and brought his knee up and hit me right where the screws in my leg are. It was painful and gave me some zingers (nerve pains) for a few minutes and then I went back to sleep. When I woke up I didn't feel any pain but Mike felt so bad and continued to apologize all day. He has had to endure so much over the past 18 months. What a trooper.

Winter has arrived with a vengence. It has snowed on and off all day today and it is supposed to snow every morning this week. Poor Mike since it really messes up his commute. What usually takes 25-30 minutes...now takes 1 hour. The snow is so pretty but it would be nice if it would just stay off the roads.

Good News!!

I haven't blogged for a while mostly because I haven't been feeling too great. This last treatment (#9...only 3 more to go)...the doctor decided to take out one of the really nasty drugs (oxaliplatin). This is the drug that makes my hands, feet, tongue and lips numb and also makes me sensitive to the cold. I was so excited to hear that he was going to stop it because it also causes other side effects (body aches and more fatigue). So now I'm pretty much only on 5-FU (nice name for a drug)and the drugs associated with it (steroids, anti-nausea, and another one that helps the 5-FU do it's job). I bounced back a lot faster from this last round of chemo. It was great to have my mom here. She takes such great care of me during these weeks of chemo and it is just great to have her company. I was actually feeling good enough yesterday to teach my primary class. Mike & I teach the 8-9 year olds. We are both getting new callings with the youth so we hope to be with our primary kids for the next couple weeks and then we'll all move on. I have really enjoyed the primary but it will be good to do something else.

OK....I'm going to be brave and post my puffy face and how I try to make it better. It gets really puffy from the steroids. My eyelashes and eyebrows are thinning or non-existent so I think I look like a bug most days.

Here I am without any makeup or anything. I hate how puffy my face gets and that my eyes are like little slits.


Here I am with make-up. My bottom eyelashes are gone.


I add my glasses to look and feel somewhat decent.


Here is a picture of my hands. The skin gets really dark and splotchy...another side effect of chemo.



I can finally see an end to this. I told Mike a couple weeks ago that I'm not going to know what it is like to have 2 good weeks in a row. I am looking forward to being done with chemo and getting healthy. It has been a long year and half. I go to my knee doctor this Friday for a year check-up. My knee is still weak especially when going up and down stairs. It will be good to have another x-ray to see how it is doing.

Doing OK!!

I didn't post after my last chemo because I was feeling sooooo good (after 3 yucky weeks in a row). It was nice to finally be done with the nasty cold that had me bound with a cough. I made it through chemo #6 (halfway) and was so glad to get that far. Some days I just don't see how I'll make it through. I just want to feel good and keep feeling good. Mike is my biggest cheerleader and keeps me going.

So #7 chemo is done and hopefully the remaining treatments will go better. The fatigue is just so unreal. It hit me on Thursday night and today is the first day I feel semi normal. On Friday I didn't even have enough energy to take a shower. No matter how you look at it...chemotherapy is torture for the body. My eyelashes are thinning out, my hair is thinning, I have brown patches on my hands, no taste, the steroids I have to take for a couple days for nausea make me all puffy, the lack of energy and extreme tiredness, and just trying to keep a positive attitude are all so hard. Luckily I have a great support group. My family has been the best, especially my mom for making her monthly trips to Utah. My great husband who tries to keep me seeing the positive and has helped so much more around the house with just the little things. My great friends who are there at a moment's notice and check in with me regularly. My great ward where everyone is so eager to help and just stop by to see how I'm holding up. I also have a great job where there are so many concerned and just last week they surprised me with a massage gift certficate. I'll probably wait to use it till I feel good.

I will get through this although at times it is easy to get down and wonder if the end is in sight.

I thought I would post some pictures of our lovely beginning to November. October ended really warm and then winter descended.