Good & Bad News

I know that many are waiting for an update on my latest scans and doctor's appointment.

I met with the doctor today excited because I knew that I was done with chemo.  He however was in a bit of a solemn mood and did not share in the excitement I was feeling because of the news he had to deliver.  So my abdomen looks great...no signs of any tumors or new growths.  The bad news is that the cancer has decided to attack a new body part...my lungs.  There are an innumerable number of spots on my lungs with the largest being 7 mm.

 Not large at all but we don't know how fast it is going to grow.  So I am on a 6 week break and then I will have another chest scan to see if these spots are growing or if they are going to stay this same size.  My guess is they are growing because my last CEA score was 10.4 up from the last score and in looking at my February chest scan they were not there.

So my options are 1..to go back to heavy duty chemo which will not cure it...only prolong it and I won't have any good days, 2..go on a clinical trial (human guinea pig), or 3..do nothing and just have as many good days as I can.  Right now my thinking is #3 but I have 6 weeks to mull it over.

It was not the news I was wanting or expecting to hear today so I have been a little numb.  I still feel so much peace and comfort and know that my life is in the Lords' hands.  I know He hears my prayers and knows that I don't want to go yet but He must need me really bad on the other side because I have fought like crazy to stay here and keep this cancer at bay.

Mike has been my rock and continues to support me in my decisions.  He has been so strong although I'm sure he has his quiet moments of emotion and sadness.  I continue to rely on him so much for his faith and strength.

So in the meantime, I'm going to live it up and enjoy these good days ahead.  I'm heading to Seattle to see my family and go to the CABIN!!!!!  Yeah...I thought I was going to miss going this year.  We are going to CA to see Mike's family and hopefully another trip to Hawaii in the spring.

Love to you all for your thoughts and many prayers on my behalf.  Hopefully I have many good days ahead.

Chemo stinks!!

Today is the first day in a little over a week that I have felt pretty good.  Only one more treatment to go and I should be done with heavy duty chemo.  I know that mentally I can't take much more.  I am tired of poisoning my body and then working through the side effects to feel good again.  My doctor originally told me 6 treatments but then he cut that back to 4.  Next Tuesday will be the 4th treatment and I keep telling Mike that "I am done".  I have radiation coming up but I'm not sure what that will be like since I haven't had it before.  Hopefully it will be better than what I feel like now.  My score has been climbing (it is 7.4) which worries me a little bit but I meet with my oncologist on Aug 31 armed with scans, blood tests, and CEA scores and we'll see what he thinks.  I'll also send the info to my Spokane Dr. to get his opinion also.  I know that I was guided to this surgery and that I should likely have 3-5 yrs so I just need to have more faith that things are OK.

So onto happier things.  My sister-in-law Kristi Ann came for a baby blessing with her family and I was able to steal her away for breakfast on Saturday morning.  We went to Kneaders (yum) and it was so good to see her.  She brought me lots of gum to chew during my chemo week.  I brush like crazy and just can't get rid of the metal taste so that was thoughtful of her to bring me a little care package of gum.

This is the first summer I can remember where I'm not going to the family cabin.  It is my most favorite place on earth but it just won't work out this year.  I do have some fun things coming up in Sept and Oct so hopefully I will feel great and be able to enjoy life again.

Mike has been a saint through all of this.  I really don't know how I would get through any of this without him.  He has learned to be so much more patient and he is so quick to calm down my many fears and meltdowns.  We have also come to appreciate the blessings of eternity and that we are sealed together.  So many times we have felt heaven very close and are glad that we are on the right path and that we are together.  I love him lots and appreciate all that he has stepped up to do to help make this journey better.

I am off to bed and to take my nightly concoction of drugs.  Tomorrow is going to be a GREAT day.

OK...Time for an update

I keep thinking I need to have some new pictures before I update but I'm not sure when that will happen so I thought I would update without pictures.

Being home has been so great since my surgery.  I have felt so good and had so much energy.  The tailbone area is still a little sore but it has been nice to get out and enjoy a little bit of the summer.  My oncologist here in Utah is pleased with the surgical results and so we are on a new path again.  I started back to chemo again this past week.  I hate chemo more than anything and hopefully these 5 rounds will fly by.  Luckily I am back to doing the regimen I did very first and the side effects are not near as bad.  I just hate the lack of energy and state of yuckiness.  Mike has been the best ever.  The first night my leg bones were aching and he took time to rub my legs plus he's been doing laundry, cooking dinner, grocery shopping, sitting with me and just being my hero.  I don't know how I would get through this without him.

Everything still looks really good.  My cancer score is low (3.7) and hopefully after I get through with these treatments I'll have a few great years....or longer with just checkups :):)  So that's the update.  This is the 3rd summer in a row of chemo and hopefully the last.

Thanks to all for your continued thoughts and prayers.  It means so much.

More pictures

Here are some more pictures from Washington and recovery.

Jordan graduated from dental school yesterday.  It was a nice ceremony and it was fun to all be together (Mike was taking the picture).  I'm so proud of my baby brother..

The Teddy Bear Picnic.  It was a lot of fun and I think the kids had a great time even though we had to be indoors at the church instead of grandma's backyard.  It has rained pretty much non-stop the entire time I've been in Seattle.  Everyone is getting pretty sick and tired of the rain.

Here I am making the rounds at the hospital with my entourage.

Here is a hospital picture where I am not feeling so well.  I would have times where we'd pile all the blankets on because I was really cold and others where I just have a sheet because I am so hot.

Here I am out of the hospital.  My ward sent me this beatiful quilt.  It was waiting for me at my brother's house.  It makes me miss home and is like a giant hug from everyone.

I continue to feel better each day.  I'll be home on Friday and it will be nice to be in my own bed.

Update from Washington

I am finally going to update my blog. I had high hopes before I left for Washington to update from the hospital and all through my recovery but here we are a month after surgery and I am just getting around to updating. Sorry to all who have been waiting.


The surgery went well and I now have hope that my cancer will go into remission and I feel so much peace with that hope which I have not felt in a long long time. I had an amazing surgeon who very confidently attacked the cancer in my abdomen. He took off the part of the liver that had the tumors in it, took out my appendix, took out all the scar tissue from previous surgeries, put my small intestine in a sling to keep it up and out of the lower abdomen (it was prestine looking :):)), recut my colon and reattached it, and scraped away the tumor that was on my abdominal lining to the tailbone. Then they filled my abdomen with heated chemo and massaged it around for 90 minutes. Of course I was asleep for all of this. The surgery lasted 8 hours and then I spent 2 hours in recovery. Pretty aggressive but I am so glad that he was willing to do this surgery.

So here are some lovely pictures from the hospital...don't ask me why I am smiling...it wasn't all pleasant. I spent most of the time just laying down relaxing or walking my rounds in the hospital trying to get my bowels moving again. Mike would come over first thing in the morning and help me get going before the nurses even came in.  It was such a relief to have him there and I was really sad when he had to leave to go back home and back to work.  I had a tube in my nose for about 5 days which kept my stomach clear of all the post surgical fluids. The night before it came out I had a dream that I was sucking on a straw and I couldn't get it out of my mouth so I pulled....when really I pulled on my nose tube (elephant trunk). Luckily I woke up after only pulling out a few inches and quickly pushed it back down. The nurses all had a great laugh about it...they had had patients pull out the tube but never any that pushed it back in.

Emily surprised me on Mother's Day. She showed up and I was soooo confused. I didn't understand what was happening...how she was there or how she got there. When I realized that she had driven over from Seattle just to see me we had a nice cry and I loved that she came to see me even if it was a quick trip.

My brother and sister in law were the perfect hosts and it was nice to have a local and comfortable place to recover for a few days in Spokane. The weather was so great and it was fun to spend time with them even though I just layed around a lot. My mom was with me the entire time and it was so nice to have her close by.  We drove to Seattle when I felt up to it. It was about a 5 hour drive but not too bad. I have been here recouping ever since. There is just nothing like recovering at mom's house. Mike has been coming up on the weekends which gives me a big boost and I am so glad to see him and he is such a support to me.  I am headed home in a week with a quick stop in Spokane to see the doctor again.  Being home will be good and I will be grateful to have Mike there to help me in my further recovery. Here are some pictures from recovery....just laying around and getting lots of rest.

This weekend we have the annual Teddy Bear Picnic and my baby brother Jordan is graduating from dental school.  He is going on to Endodonist school in Texas so he's not quite done yet but he will be Dr. Bolles.  How exciting.

I will have a new plan when I get home which includes radiation on my tailbone area, heavy chemo and continued scans but hopefully the cancer will give me a break for a long while. 

Love to all for the continued thoughts and prayers being sent my way daily.  I know I am loved and that I have a Heavenly Father who still performs miracles.  I am fighting and praying to stay alive and I know that He hears my prayers and guides me to amazing doctors and procedures.  I hope that I can be a servant in His hands and continue to help those around me.

Fun weekend!!

I've had a great weekend.  Mike and I traveled up to Washington to see my family and to get ready for surgery this week.  We spent some quality time with my brother and Jordan and Emily.  They have a new baby Sunny and she is such a good baby and so cute.  Johnny looks just like Jordan did when he was a kid with the coarse blond curly hair.  So cute...love the curls although I am sure he will grow to hate them.  Mike and Jordan went golfing while I hung out with Emily and the kids.  They are moving to Texas soon and so it was fun to spend some time with them before they leave.  That night we just spent time together like we used to when they lived in Utah.  It brought back lots of fun memories.

Sunny's blessing was on Sunday and it is so neat to see my baby brother as a dad and he gave his daughter a beautiful blessing.  Then we all had dinner together at my parents and broke our fast.  We missed Jared and Jessica but they were in our thoughts and know that they were thinking of us.  It was also Brigham's birthday.  I  can't believe how quickly time has gone by since it seems like he was just a baby not that long ago.  He turned 10 and I am so lucky to be his aunt.  He is a very special person in my life.

Today we drove to Spokane and went through the worst wind storm of the year.  It was very dusty and we seemed to be in the middle of it the entire drive.  We are here and hopefully things this week will go well.  Tomorrow I meet with the doctor and get all my bloodwork done and then surgery will be at 8 a.m. on Wednesday.  Please continue to send your thoughts and prayers my way and that surgery will go well.  Hopefully I will have internet access and can update from the hospital.

Life is so precious and I still feel so at peace with whatever the Lord has in store for me.  I know that this surgery is the right path and I know that He will help me in my recovery.

Beach Trip

I went to the beach with my family.  We missed Jordan & Emily & Mike but had a great time in a big 7 bedroom beach house.  We had great weather and were even able to enjoy some fun times in the sand.  Here are some fun pictures. 

Playing kickball...almost everyone got involved in the game.

Our beach house is the wide one with all the windows.

We had fun crafting with Perler beads, coloring, playing games, watching movies, flying kites, but most of all just being together.  Jason looks pretty intense here but he's just playing a computer game.

Celebrating all the March birthdays in the family.  I love the way Lily is blowing out her candle.  Once it was blown out she threw out the candle and attacked the cupcake.  Too cute. 

We had a great time and hopefully we'll all be able to make it next time.

Here is my new toy.  I ended up getting a bonus for the 1/2 year I worked last year and so we spent it on a Clavinova.  I love it.  Mike got his first piano lesson on it.  I forgot how much I miss playing the piano.  I play the organ so much now but it is nice to just play some of my old classic piano pieces.

That is the end of the fun times.  I am heading back into surgery on May 5.  I met with a doctor in Spokane, WA who does what is called a HIPEC treatment.  It is heated chemo flooded into the abdomen but first he goes into the abdomen and removes all the cancer he can see.  It will be a long and intense surgery but it is the first time I have heard the word cure.  With the treatment I'm on right now, we know the cancer will come back, we just don't know when or where.  I feel like this is the right decision.  I've been talking it over with my medical oncologist and he feels like this might buy me some time.  So it is going to be a busy month getting ready for this surgery with x-rays, colonoscopy, blood tests, etc.  I will be gone about 6 weeks so I have to get everything in order at home too so Mike can survive when he isn't with me.

The good news is that my CEA score came down to 6.0 from 7.4.  I was pretty sure it was going to go up again because that is the trend it has taken.  That gives me some relief and hopefully when I have the surgery, there won't be much disease that has to be cut out.

Another exciting thing happening this month is that I start playing the organ in the Mt. Timpanogos temple.  I am so excited and know that I will feel the spirit so strongly.  I had my orientation and got to play a couple hymns on it.  It is such a simple yet beautiful sound.  If I can help others feel the spirit in the house of the Lord then what a great experience it will be.

Please continue to keep me in your thoughts and prayers.  I still feel incredible peace and know that it is because of all those around me who pray for me and love me.